A few years ago, I saw a video from a spiritual teacher who was talking about transgender people. Her view was entirely unique to me at the time, and yet it felt incredibly right in some way. Since then I’ve deepened in my appreciation of what she said, even though I think she’s likely wrong about the details of what she said.
The teacher said that before a person transitions, it’s helpful to become comfortable with the gender assigned at birth. That way, they are stepping into their transition as a conscious YES and not moving away from a body, and gender, that feels off. It’s a conscious choice, and not an unconscious reaction. Does that make sense?
I don’t know how possible it is to transition from just a YES. At least, I can’t imagine it. Living in a body that feels in disharmony with the deepest part of the individuated self creates massive internal deregulation. That’s what gender dysphoria is. It’s like the soul is harmonized for one tone, and the body is harmonized for another tone, and the two tones are creating a discordant tone that feels like it will tear the entire bodily vessel apart. So, how possible would it be to find a harmonic YES within that disharmony? I’m honestly not sure.
One thing is for sure, the core of what she was saying holds some wisdom. Transition is the right choice if the desire comes from the resonance of the deep self. That part is not transitory. It’s not a belief or a programmed thought pattern. It’s a song being sung from below the level of conditioned mind. It’s deep down in the persistent self, the part of self I call the soul. So, if the desire is coming from there, changing the parts of self that can be changed will create overall harmony between all the layers of self. This is precisely why therapy doesn’t cure gender dysphoria and transition does. Therapy changes the conditioned self. It changes beliefs, thought patterns, heals traumas, helps cultivate acceptance, etc. It doesn’t fundamentally change the core of who we are at all. It leaves that part as is, and let’s it shine unobstructed up through the upper layers of self.
So, this is my advice to people who want to know their soul song. Close your eyes. Go deep down into self. Find that part of you that feels pure, and like it’s so YOU it feels like looking into the face of God. Then feel into what song that part of you wants to sing. Ignore all the upper layers, the trauma, the conditioning, the fear, the shame, etc. You don’t need to fully clean up all of that conditioning to say YES to your soul. You just need to feel into the deepest part of you that can say YES without resistance, and when you do, let that song move up through the layers of self and find it’s way to the surface. Let that voice out. Let that become the song you sing, no matter how much the world tells you your conditioning is in fact your soul voice.
That’s the missing part of what the spiritual teacher said. You don’t need to become fully okay with your gender in order to transition. You just need to become fully in harmony with your soul, and from there all of the rightness will flow.
